With baby number two,
My mother had become ill and I was living below my closest friend.
My closest friend became my doula, and made us meals, did our laundry and helped me rest so I could take on my new life as mother of two. Two years later, I had moved away from that friend and my mom had passed away during the pregnancy. So with baby number three, I felt uncomfortable asking for help. Why would I need help? I’d done this two times before. I refused all help and decided I could do it alone. Well for a year after her birth I felt overwhelmed. Not depressed exactly, but more like I couldn’t catch my breath. I remember when she was 13 months old literally feeling that I had caught my breath, caught up with my life somehow. Well a year and a half from that point I found out I was having twins. I knew that it was going to be way too much for me to do it on my own, and so did my good friend, Sheila Marley. Sheila said “too bad for you, we’re helping you” in response to my saying I wasn’t comfortable having help. She organized all of my friends to cook and clean for us. She began it two times a week when I was 6 weeks away from delivery. After delivery, she had meals coming to us every night, and someone coming to clean. On one of those days, two friends, Jean and Beth, came over. Jean had brought all the makings for an eight course turkey dinner (the babies were born in November), and both she and Beth were going to clean. Beth said “we’re your doulas!” “My WHAT?” I replied. She said, we’re here to help you after you have a baby. That’s what a doula is. I had never heard the word before. But at 4:00 in the afternoon I was in my robe, my house spotless, turkey wafting through the air, babies contentedly sleeping, other kids happily occupied and I said “Wow, this is why people hire help!” It truly was an epiphany. I always thought it was so noble to do it all myself. But the feeling of being loved and safe and nurtured that I felt, was truly eye-opening. I could really see why we as women need help. How different this felt from the postpartum after my third baby.